Sadie May Johnson

It all started with her. She remembers her mom telling the story.  She was napping in their old Colonial home.  Dad woke her up, asking if she wanted to go for a ride to see some puppies.

They had been talking about this for some time now.  He wanted to wait until the right one came along, where as mom was hopeful for a stray.  Some lonely pup whose past was filled with sadness.  She could love her back to health and have a story to tell for the rest of their lives.

I think mom was aching for something.  They were trying for a baby at the time.  I remember hearing her cry about it.  She wasn’t one to stay quiet about much (which she attributed to her 1/2 Italian heritage), but this was something she only shared with us.  Patting our heads as we would check up on her.  Didn’t like seeing her so sad.

She thought he was joking about a puppy.  He knew that she wasn’t a fan of window shopping.  Liked to wait until there was a good chance they would walk away with something.  Otherwise, what’s the point?

“A shepherd-lab mix.  Take a look.”

He showed her a picture and she perked right up.  A little puppy.  She never had one to call her own.  She did have Toby, her weenie dog, but found him when he was older.  Probably close to 7.  Her first personal dog.  This one would be theirs.  The start of something new.

Mom would tell her how sweet she was.  They took pictures of dad holding her in his lap.  Kind eyes and sweet temperament.  She was light with a black mouth.  Her name was originally Sade, after a singer, but they called her Sadie.  Sadie May Johnson.

I don’t want to train the F U N out of my dog

D I S C I P L I N E means doing what needs to be done.  And with D I S C I P L I N E, comes a life of freedom.
@merakiprinting
This quote immediately made me think of balanced training and why I gravitated to it in the first place.
One of the biggest concerns I hear from owners:
I don’t want to train the fun out of my her.
I work mostly with young and bratty dogs // I say with love // so this is a understandable concern.
And I know why it comes up.
New structure, rules and holding your dog accountable for what seems like very small moments
Does not feel normal.  It’s different.  And owners find themselves // especially at midway visits // worrying that all of this structure will make it impossible for their dog to
J U S T  B E  A  DOG
So, let’s take a second and envision what a perfect day in the life of you and your four legged bestie looks like.
I’ll go first.
We get into the car and have a nice relaxing ride to the park.  I open the door and they look up at me, waiting for those beautiful words,
Let’s go!
I sit in the grass sipping on my velvety smooth iced coffee as I watch Lou and Theo enjoy their off leash F R E E D O M.
It’s time to get some lunch, so I recall them to me and we head back to the car.  They look to me for guidance, so I always know they are near.
Next stop, my favorite dog friendly restaurant.  I tether them to a poll outside and walk in to order. We’ve put in the work and it shows.  They know I’ll be back.  No need to get panicked as I disappear.
I get to enjoy my favorite sandwich as they watch the world pass by.  No barking.  No whining.  Just two dogs enjoying the fresh air.
How is this possible with my two young // once BRATTY // dogs?
STRUCTURE RULES BOUNDARIES
It does not diminish the fun.
It creates it. 

Renfrew – take me back.

Shame C A N N O T survive being spoken

Brene Brown

Sometimes I wish that I could go back to Renfrew.

Surrounded by women that struggle.

Some more than others

But it all felt the same.

Blocks of time were set aside each day to share our secrets

To openly talk about the very things we tried to hide for so long.

That was the first time I felt F R E E.

I never lived in a dorm room during college, but this was the closest I got.

There was a doctor.  

I forget her name, but I remember being surprised when she told me her profession.

You’re a bulimic doctor?!

She laughed.

Then there was the mom.  

An over eater.  

She was funny and we bonded over the fact that one of our assignments was to eat the dessert of the day and talk about how it made us feel.

C H E E S E C A K E

Amazing.  

We felt amazing.

This group was such a big part of my life

And looking back

I can see why I loved it so much.

I connected with these women because I was H O N E S T about the very things I tried to keep hidden for so long.

Hi, my name is Bethany and I’m a recovering bulimic.  Let’s be friends.

// we can choose to be P E R F E C T & A D M I R E D — or — R E A L and L O V E D //glennon doyle

What am I, 16 years old?

What am I, 16 years old?..I’ve always been a bit weird about my weight…As a result, most of my life has revolved around food…For example, when I think of Christmas I crave candy canes…my mom used to put the best ones on the tree.  red and white, perfectly positioned between branches.  until the day they disappeared.  during commercial breaks I would sneak out and grab a new one…(I blame MTV for their insanely long breaks)..an innocent sweet treat turned into a naked tree.  15 candy canes.  gone…I’m not allowed to have them on the tree anymore.  can’t be trusted…Most of my memories revolve around food…That one year when I ate an entire jar of pickles and my nana said,..You’ll turn into a pickle if you keep eating them!..Or before I hit rock bottom and drove through Burger King with shame in my eyes.  Ordering way too much and eating it on the side of the road.  I had been restricting for the past three days and couldn’t take it anymore.  I felt weak.  I just wanted to be thin.  Everything would be so much better…I’ve come a long way since those days…The new year still makes me think of food and the new habits I can start.  Or which potions I can buy to make my skin glow…But, with each year my goals are focused on a feeling rather than a number…I want to feel strong.  happy.  loving.  kind.  confident…The number on a scale used to determine my value.  I bet everything on it.  These days I know that’s not true…Not to say that I won’t start Whole 30 or post a picture of the confetti that fills my Apple Watch after hitting 20,000 steps…But the meaning behind it is different…I hope that if you are reading this and setting some new goals, you’ll ask yourself why…If eating better or running 3 miles each day is for the cute boy at work,..// what am I, 16 years old? //..You may want to start a new list.

You Gotta Put Up With The Rain

The way I see it,

If you want the rainbow,

You gotta put up with the rain.

Dolly Parton

Let me start by saying I am officially very into Dolly after watching Dumplin’ on Netflix.

And her song ‘Joelene’ is my new favorite song to sing while dancing in front of my big Ikea mirror.

// anyways //

I heard this quote and it resonated with me.

Ever since I started dog training,

I wanted success quickly.

I saw others getting client after client or talking about their waiting lists and thought,

I need that!

I like to think of my dreams as the rainbow.

First, I needed to get very clear about what that looks like.

I wrote down some goals, my future bio and what my ideal clients look like.

This was pretty fun.

One thing I know for sure is that I like working with a particular kind of owner.

Not just anyone willing to write out a check

// I used to think that was all I needed //

But, those who are excited about the information I share, because they will do “whatever it takes” to make this work.

They are currently struggling and feeling a bit hopeless.

She just wants to enjoy her dog.

Have him listen to her.

He follows my IG stories and asks questions if he has any.

They understand that this is not a “quick fix”.  

The work does not stop after two weeks.

I even wrote down things like,

I could get a beer or coffee with them.

This dog training stuff takes a strong team and I want to enjoy working with owners.

I’ve been through some of the rain Dolly talks about

And I’m grateful for it.

Now I can be very clear about what the rainbow looks like.

I was addicted

I was addicted.
I remember one afternoon in high school
I was staring at the clock.
Waiting for the bell.
My stomach began to growl.  A sign that it was rebelling.
Craving the carbs I used to feed it.
And definitely didn’t care what size my jeans were.
I had been doing the Atkins diet for about two weeks and already lost some weight.
I was getting attention.
The attention I had always dreamed of.
Boys were much nicer these days.
Maybe it was my new skirt that was shorter than any I had worn before.
Or the confidence that came with the weight loss.
I was even wearing taller shoes.  Not exactly something I would’ve done before.
When you feel like the chubby girl, you try to stay around the same height as the boys.
You don’t want them to feel intimidated.
As soon as the bell rang, I dashed to my car and went straight home.
I ran inside, grabbed the box of big fat pretzels and bbq sauce.
Laid on the couch and made my way through the entire box
As I dipped each one in the sweet sauce.
It didn’t take long for me to feel sick.
And a bit depressed.
All of my skinny-potential-boyfriend-life scenarios felt a million miles away.
My self worth was dependent on their attention.
That became pretty evident.
As I laid there in my bbq pretzel coma,
I felt defeated.
I didn’t know it at the time, but I was addicted.
And food was my drug.

When Will I Learn?

When will I learn?Brownie’s first week filled me with so much doubt.She wasn’t listening.  Would barely look at me.I kept seeing other trainers posting about eye contact and how important it was.Let’s just add more to that big ol’ pile of doubt!I could tell she wasn’t comfortable being around me.I’ll be honest.I like when dogs like me.There.I said it.And she wasn’t into it.After about seven days, I saw a major change in her.It may have been those high value treats that Amazon dropped off,But I think it was more than that.She trusted me.Training can really challenge some dogs // and the trainer as well // while others just go along for the ride.Brownie’s world was getting rocked and she wasn’t happy about it.This giant human // I assume she would say that with a very loving tone // is taking me on scary car rides!  Making me walk close to her!  Telling me no!  Who does she think she is?!She was super sassy in the beginning.  A tough nut to crack.  Even tried to bite my foot on multiple occasions.As I was working with her this morning, I had one of those happy trainer moments.And not just because she was listening to the commands or walking nicely with me.I was happy for her.  This tiny little dog has gone from scared of everything and lashing out as a result,To a much more confident girl who can relax while the world passes her by.When will I learn?This training works.

Raise Your Standards

RAISE YOUR STANDARDS
Higher.
Surround yourself with people that make you feel good.
Those who lift you up and support you along the way.
Expect more from your dog.
“He’s just a dog” is not an excuse.
Write down some goals and do something every day that moves you closer to achieving them.
Focus on where you want to go.  Not on what you fear. – Tony Robbins
Believe in yourself!
Envision the life you’ve always dreamed of.
Write your biography from the future // I got this idea from @danikabrysha at The Brunch Series //
And,
You become what you believe – Oprah
So believe in the good.  The amazing.  That people are kind and not out to get you.  That you deserve success.  Love.  And a well behaved dog ❤️ 

7 Years

I’m terrible at giving relationship advice.
There was a time in my life that I would listen to a friend’s complaints and find reasons to give the guy another chance.
‘Maybe he didn’t mean that!  You know how guys can be.  They say one thing, but really mean something else.’
Then I met Bobby.
And he set that expectation bar SUPER high.  Like, no more bullshit kind of high.
My friends are AMAZING!  They deserve the BEST!  There’s no time to waste on men that don’t make you feel adored and beautiful and everything else you want to feel.
This is what comes out of my mouth these days.
And then I actually start to think,
Am I being fair?
I mean, I’m married to Bobby and some of my friends refer to him as the unicorn because he is just so good.
// seriously.  he is. //
I spent most of my life dating “okay” guys.  Probably perfect for someone else, but not for me.
One would make me laugh, but also made me feel stupid whenever I stated an opinion.  Another was handsome, but wanted to hang out with his friends more than me.  Then there was that one guy,
Who lived in his brother’s closet.  That example will never get old.
I spent my days making excuses and tricked myself into believing that I didn’t deserve better.
And then I met Bobby.  A week after dating I told my mom that I was going to marry him.  It just felt right.  Every part of it.
It was the first relationship when I never had to ask,
I think I can put up with that…right?
He was kind.  Sexy, but didn’t know it, which made him even sexier.  Laughed at things I said.  He was thoughtful.  One time he drove me to buy my favorite candy canes that you can only find at one store.  Even though it was out of the way.  No complaints.  Just wanted to make me happy.
Today marks 7 years that I have been married to this dream boat of mine.
He is still just as dreamy, supportive, hilarious, handsome, hardworking and loving as ever.
Bobby, I love you so much and I feel so lucky that you set the expectation bar so high.
I wish that everyone could have a love like ours ❤️
Happy Anniversary!!!

Theo, The Replacement Baby

Sometimes I’m unsure of what I really want and it scares me.

What if I wait too long and regret not trying?
For the past few years I have convinced myself that I don’t want a baby.
‘Nope!  Not for me!’ I say jokingly as the crying baby rolls by.
And then I’ll catch myself staring at a little girl sitting across from us at a restaurant.
Her cute little fingers trying to grasp the grapes that keep slipping out of her hands.
And then I fear the worst.
A baby would cause a lot of stress, right?
And what if my hormones become crazier than they already are?!  I don’t think Bobby could take that.
I think I got Theo as a baby replacement.
I know this sounds crazy and I don’t even think I was aware of it at the time.
I was so busy convincing myself that babies are NOT FUN.  Just SAY NO.  And all that wonderful anti-baby talk.
He distracted me and was something to take care of.  A little being that needed me.
If I had a therapist, I’m pretty sure she would agree.
I’m still unsure of what I really want.  Sometimes it scares me and other days it feels okay.
And I guess that’s what life is all about.
Twists and turns.
Experiences that lead you to where you are meant to be.
I’m a dog trainer because of Theo.
I’ve met amazing people and made some great friends.
Nothing happens by accident.
Now THAT is something I know to be true ❤️